Sometime between the first day of Kindergarten and the first day of The Letter People (TM) lessons, Doug met his first-ever and still longest-tenured friend, Matt Klan. The two became fast friends because they lived around the corner from each other. They would survive their childhood on the mean streets of Northport, LI, NY together, avoiding run-ins with scary teenage Satanic Cult members and barely missing being blown to smithereens by M-80s shot at them by their dear friend, Jason Stillwell while Matt Hagan taught them which G.I. Joe burned the best. Their idyllic childhood was largely fueled by slices of pizza from Phase II, endless rounds of Bubble Bobble, and one bizarre sleepover where they decided to smoke various items from the kitchen spice rack, devoured 1 lb of Planters’ Cheese Balls, and watched Labyrinth, Witchboard, and Spaceship on Betamax.

In high school, Doug and Matt would go on to co-found Long Island’s oldest (citation needed) student a cappella singing group, The Multi-Colored Ties. They and Don D’Airies also co-founded Frog Productions, which produced several groundbreaking short films in limited release to VHS only. Their cinematic calling card was to use minimal editing and largely shoot with one camera and in one take, influencing future filmmakers Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez (citation needed) whose film, Blair Witch Project, was a box office success. Doug and Matt co-led Long Island’s largest tuba line in the Northport Tiger Marching Band and worked together as conscientious objectors to a large clear-cut development project on the outskirts of Northport. Born three days apart, Matt and Doug teamed up to host a “Surreal Sweet 16” in Doug’s parents’ basement in March, 1991, and then would reprise the joint birthday party concept in Northport’s legendary No Frills Room in 1993, their senior year and 18th birthdays. That party famously included a massive Peeps war and one guest was asked to return his gift immediately or else we were going to report him to the police.

After taking the Rodzinski twins, Blanche and Selma, to the prom, the two would go on to college and quasi-adulting, convening every year or two with their amazing Northport friends, attending each others’ weddings, Nick’s 50th, and most recently celebrating the lives of our parents who have passed.

Matt and Doug would like to shout out 1980s free-range parenting and their incredible home town, Northport, NY, for creating the opportunity for them to have enjoyed such a long and rewarding friendship. But most importantly, they’d like to remind you that Dodongo dislikes smoke.

About Matt

Matt is interested in 1,000 abandoned hobbies and obsessing over the health of his pets which sometimes include snails.. He is weird to the point of discomfort. Matt incongruously pitched this party considering he hasn’t been to very many parties and is uncomfortable in most social situations. However he has been working in therapy on these areas, putting the hope in misanthrope.

He wanted to throw this party with Douglas so he could bring together the most important people in his life (from across various decades and social circles) in one place, if just for a night (like the last scene. 

Matt’s hair also peaked in high school, with a cascading, side-parted flop that was more ’90s than a Jordan Catalano sigh. 

About turning 50, Matt now makes weird, almost defeated grunts when climbing out of a Lay-Z-Boy and he recently started eschewing social events with a lot of stairs. Additionally he’s been upping his soluble fiber and nothing makes his day like a new La Croix flavor.

Before his last colonoscopy, Matt was quoted as saying, “You know what they say, ’50 is the new 48.'” 

Matt lives in Seattle with his wife, Jen, and a few pets. The snails are dead.